separations and reunions

The major reason I’ve been so slow in posting updates in the last few months is that my best friend, who has had metastatic breast cancer for the past five years, has been facing some serious challenges this year. The news, most of which has been bad, has been coming fast and furious, and I’m trying to balance, nurture and support the most important relationships in my life. It sometimes feels as if one suffers at the expense of another.

Karen and I have been best friends for more than 16 years, as close as two girlfriends can be, and with each other through all the thick and thin of our lives – and there have been plenty of both. Right now, she’s got a lot of thin going on, and I am so inspired and uplifted to see how she doesn’t see it as thin at all – she focuses on the thick, and truly lives each day with joy and pleasure.

Since Luke was born, I’ve seen her 2-3 times a year, for a long weekend at a time, not wanting to be away from Luke too much. Back in May, when everything started unraveling, I decided that I really need to be with her more often. It’s good for her, but, to be completely honest, it was a selfish decision. It’s good for me, and I want to soak her up and do all the things we love to do together, as much as I can, regardless of how much or little time together we have.

I went East to see her in May, June and now August. In July, Karen came to spend 5 days with me, and she’ll hopefully do the same again in September. I have trips planned and tickets bought to go East in October, November, and December. That’s a once a month visit, 4 days at a time.

This makes life, right now and for the foreseeable future, this strange combination of constant separations and reunions. It’s emotional and intense on all fronts, and that’s not even talking about all that Jean-Max has to worry about and do with me being gone so much.

I worry about how Luke will do, at such a young age, with so many separations from me. He seems OK – and he loves his Dada time – but Luke really misses me when I’m gone, and there are a lot more separations to come. For me, being away from Luke feels like a part of my heart is beating outside of my body.

Prayers, well wishes, or advice would be welcomed, as I bumble my way through this.